How communication habits kill relationships

  

Date Posted: 11/26/2012 11:44:11 AM

Posted By: Dougy Songs  Membership Level: Silver  Total Points: 325

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Most of us desire to have stronger and more loving relationships. But we really don't know what kills this noble aspiration. Most people imagine that relationships break-up because of infidelity and financial insincerity. But are you aware that a good relationship can survive infidelity and even sometime emerge stronger.

Our everyday bad habits kill relationships. They cause uncomfortable stalemates when couples are experiencing problems and, most of the time find themselves not able to talk things out. Over time, they conclude that talking together can never solve their problems, causing the relationship to slowly drift apart. They even walk out on each other only to wonder later why they could not resolve their problems.

These are some of the habits that if left unchecked may destroy any relationship even the happiest couple's relationship can be pushed downwards and make communication hard. How you argue determines the survival of the relationship, but conversations with the habits below often kill the relationship.

1. CONDEMNING OR CRITICIZING.
- Attacking your spouse only shows lack of appreciation, puts them down and drives the two of you apart. Therefore, it is important to realize that it is impossible for two people to live together and not have different opinions or ways of doing things. Also be advisable to examine yourself and acknowledge that nobody is perfect and you could just be the cause of the problem at hand.

2. DEFENSIVENESS.
- Nobody likes to have their faults pointed out. We therefore become protective of ourselves by being unwilling to acknowledge our mistakes. Often we snap at the offended person, make excuses, deny responsibility or repeat ourselves. When you are both offended by other's behaviour, nothing will be accomplished until one of you acknowledges personal faults.
It takes two to cause a conflict, meaning you may be for 10% or 90% of

the problem. It is therefore worthwhile to take responsibility for your part of the problem because being defensive not only stops you from looking at the issues raised by your partner, but seriously undermines the relationship.

3. STONEWALLING.
- We disappear behind the newspaper, remain fixed on TV, cry, walk away or put off the issue to a later date and make certain it never comes up again until we have another quarrel. These habits set up a wall between you and your partner, thus inhibiting intimacy and hardening your heart in the midst of conflicts.
Examining your conscience and admitting to stonewalling is the first step towards a mutually agreed upon solution.

4. CONTEMPT.
- If criticism is not checked, it culminates into defensiveness, stonewalling and ultimately contempt. At this point, the relationship is at the brink of death. The couple only sees the negative aspects in each other's character. They engage in explosive anger, name calling and comparisons. To overcome this, it is important to take a few minutes apart to halt the argument.

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